Back To Where We Were
by Thumper01
Summary: After-dinner revelations... and a squirrel; an evil, evil squirrel.


Title: Back to Where We Were  
Author: Thumper )  
Category: Drama/Angst  
Rating: PG-13  
Summery: After-dinner revelations... and a squirrel; an evil, evil squirrel.  
Archive: Sure, just let me know.  
Disclaimer: I don't own The West Wing, Jed Bartlet or Leo McGarry. I make no money off of them so please don't sue me.

Spoilers: Everything up to and including "In The Room" to be safe.  
Notes: This fic came about because I noticed on another list that people were freaking out about Leo's nurse and any possible relationships that might ensue. My first Jed/Leo fic.

Back to Where We Were

It was the first free night the President had in three weeks and unsurprisingly he spent it with Leo. Dinner had been superb but that didn't surprise Jed. Leo had chosen the menu and he had excellent taste. So far things were going pretty well. He had been to visit Leo in his hotel room before but it was during the day and the meetings always seemed rushed. Now they had some time to talk.

They had retired to the living room and were enjoying coffee, dessert and a comfortable silence when Jed first noticed the card. It was homemade- the kind you print off your computer. On the cover was a woman and a young boy dressed in what appeared to be a traditional Indian style.

Jed picked up the card that had been sitting on the coffee table and showed it to his former Chief of Staff seated on the other end of the couch. "Who's the card from?"

"Oh, it's just a little something from Paven, my nurse. It's for Diwali, kinda like New Years. This time around it falls in November.," Leo explained while taking a sip of his coffee.

"Oh... and she sends you food?" The president asked, gesturing to the small, festively decorated container on the table.

"Yeah, she brought me some nan before and it helped with my appetite. I guess she got a new batch." Jed tried to ignore the pang in his heart. The last time they had lunch together, he tried to broach the subject of Leo's lack of appetite, but was brushed off. He didn't pursue the matter because he was afraid of pushing Leo any further away.

_Wasn't that how this whole thing started? I didn't want to push him on his health before the heart attack for the same reasons, and look where that got us._

He gestured to the boy before setting the card down. "And this is her son?"

"Uh-huh, that's her little one," he said with a smile lighting up his face. "His name is Malti." To his shame, Jed Bartlet, President of the United States, Leader of the Free World, found himself jealous of a ten year-old boy. How couldn't he be? Hadn't he been wishing to see one of those patented Leo McGarry smiles for a few months now?

"You've met him?"

"Yeah," Leo laughed. "she brings him over from time to time. He's a pretty sharp kid. You'd like him." _Well, aren't they just the regular nuclear family._

"She's a very lovely woman," Jed said, but it must have been something in his voice, because Leo stared at him for a second and then said: "I don't believe it."

"What?"

"You're jealous."

"What are you...?"

"You're jealous," Leo chuckled in that gravelly voice.

"I really have no idea what..."

"Let's face it, Jed. You've always been a bit transparent in these matters."

"I'm not jealous! I don't get jealous!"_ That's it, Bartlet. Deny everything._

"Sure," Leo laughed. "That's why you just about knocked me on my ass cutting in on me and Abbey during that dance at the Phi Theta Gamma party."

"It was Phi Theta Phi and I can't believe you're still harboring..."

"Or that time I was on leave and you called me up from London, panicked that you had rabies because –"

"That was..."

"_Because_ you were hiding in the bushes, _spying_ on that romantic picnic Abbey was having with Ron Erhlich and a squirrel bit you."

"That was different! He was putting the moves on my girl," Jed cried, summoning up all the righteous indignation he could muster.

"At that precise point in time, Sir, she was not your girl," Leo said placidly.

"A minor detail that I could have rectified if Erhlich hadn't kept getting in the way. Him _and_ his damn squirrel."

"What, you think the squirrel was working for him?" Leo was just about full-out laughing at him now.

"I wouldn't put it past him. She wouldn't talk to me for a month afterwards, so it definitely worked out for him.

"I just don't understand how it got into your pants," Leo smirked. When he finally caught up with Jed in London he teased his friend mercilessly about all the interesting places the young economics student had been bitten.

The President sank down lower into the couch, blushing furiously. Looks like he had been caught.

As Leo's laughter subsided, they lapsed into a companionable silence. The levity of the previous minutes had been welcome but Jed's mind soon fell into what he had come here to do tonight. He wanted to come to some kind of resolution between the two of them. He could accept that he might have done irrevocable damage to the more intimate side of their relationship, that Leo might not ever want him as a lover again, but he was here to fight for their friendship. That part of their relationship Jed Bartlet knew he could not do without.

His eyes fell back on the card again. Leo was right, he did feel jealousy, but he felt no real ill will towards the woman. She was just doing her job and if she could also prove a friend to Leo, then so be it. _I guess he might need some new friends since his old ones failed him so spectacularly._

"In any case, I'm not so sure I have the right to jealousy anymore," Jed whispered, his eyes examining the carpet.

"Jed..."

"No , Leo. Please let me do this. This is part of the reason I wanted to talk to you tonight."

Leo nodded and leaned back on the couch. He suspected that Jed would have some things to get off his chest. He had seen Abbey last week and they had talked as well. And not the verbal dancing that they had done in the past year, designed to get the bare points across without having to have an actual, you know, conversation. They had actually talked, and thankfully, started to mend their friendship. Leo had a feeling that today the same was going to happen between him and Jed.

The President seemed to be collecting his thoughts and Leo was content to let him take his time.

"I've hurt you this past year, Leo. I know that. Ever since Zoey...no," he shook his head. "No, this has been building since before that. Since Shareef. I want you to know that I take full responsibility for my choice. But I still know that every day I'm gonna wonder if I made the correct one.

"For the past two years that uncertainty has gnawed at me, filling me with anger. Until the kidnaping, I was able to keep that anger under control, hidden, but afterwards..." He stopped and took a breath. When he reached for his glass of water on the table, Leo noticed that his friends hands were trembling and it broke his heart. As much as he wanted to wrap his arms around Jed and comfort him, tell him that it was all going to be okay, he knew Jed needed to get this out.

"When Abbey took her away from me, I felt so useless. I know she did it partly to take care of Zoey but she also did it to hurt me. And I guess... I don't know, I couldn't fight her over it. Hell, part of me thought she was right. So I think I tried to hurt you instead. I tried to push you away"

"What you guys were feeling was a perfectly rational response to –"

"No, dammit!" Jed shouted. " Do not try to take this on yourself! Don't you understand? It's been seven years of 'Leo can do it' and 'Leo will know what to do.' Seven years of 'Leo can take it!'" Jed scooted closer to his friend on the couch, trying maybe to draw strength from physical proximity to his friend, the man he loved. "Because that's what you do. You take hits for us, Leo. And God help us, we believed it. Abbey and I hurt you so much because, when we couldn't hurt each other anymore, we knew 'you could take it', and it almost killed you!" Jed glance back at the floor, shame keeping him from facing his friend.

"I mean tell, me the truth. I know we've got to factor in the alcohol and the pills but...we should have know, would have know if it we weren't so busy trying to make this job, and by extension you, a scapegoat." Jed summoned his courage and faced his friend again. He had explained his actions to Leo, as best as he could understand them, even in his own mind. The choice of where they went now was up to him.

Leo looked at his friend and was surprised to see tears in his eyes. Jed grew self-conscious and look aside for a second and took a deep breath. Leo leaned closer and place his hand on the back of Jed's neck softly stroking the skin just above the collar of his shirt. "Hey, look at me," he whispered.

"You've said your peace, now it's my turn," he used his hands to turn Jed's face to his, their eyes meeting in a gaze that neither could break.

"You...did not...cause... my heart attack. I have to talk extra slowly so that maybe it can sink into that brain of yours that you can't control everything, Josiah Bartlet. When something bad happens you'd rather convince yourself that you've done something wrong rather than accept that the situation is out of your control."

Jed watched intently as his friend took a breath and continued. "What happened... you did hurt me, but you never lost my friendship. I don't know if there's anything either of us could do to make that happen," Leo said. His fingers continued their gentle massage while pulling his friend closer, until they sat side by side with Leo's arm wrapped around Jed and the president's head resting on Leo's shoulder.

"Do you think that, maybe, we could work our way back to each other?" Jed asked hesitantly. His hand had made its way under Leo's shirt and was tracing a path up his abdomen. When it encountered the angry scar on his friend's chest, he winced slightly. "Back to where we were?" He continued his journey, his hand traveling over the marred flesh.

"I know there is," Leo whispered and cup Jed's face. "In fact, I think we've got to be at least halfway there..." the thought was left hanging as he captured the president's lips with his own, teasing him gently before pulling away and flashing the most beautiful smile Jed had ever seen. "...maybe further."

Leo pulled Jed's hand from beneath his shirt and pressed his lips to his lover's fingertips. Jed just smiled and returned his head to Leo's shoulder. He knew he was grinning like a fool but he didn't care. There were about a million and one things waiting for him as soon as he walked out of his friend's front door but for right now, right here, there was a little bit of peace for the both of them.

"Um, Leo?"

"Hmm?" Leo mumbled, his face buried in Jed's hair.

Reluctantly, Jed pulled away. "I, um, know you're probably not medically cleared for anything but I was just wondering if it would be okay if I stayed over. You know, just to sleep," he added quickly.

"I'd like that," Leo whispered.

They rose together and Jed head to the front door to let his detail know that he would be staying over the night while Leo placed the coffee cups in the sink and began to turn off the lights. When they both met up and walk to the bedroom, Jed stopped Leo at the doorway and smiled mischievously at his best friend of over forty years.

"You know Leo, now that we've gotten things settled, I'm gonna have to put my foot down about this nurse."

"Oh, dear God in heaven..." Leo moaned and retreated into the bedroom.

"I'm serious," he continued. "I can't let a good looking woman keep prancing around you like that. You're already recovering from surgery and I would be remiss in my duties if I –" Jed's mock tirade was cut short by a pillow being thrown at his head.

"Jed, shut up and get in bed before a sic a squirrel on you." Leo threatened. It's effect however was offset by that beautiful smile.

"With pleasure, Leo" Jed answered with a smile of his own.

The End


End file.
